The things that move me

So I know people are probably sick of my Lovey dovey nature lately, so I am giving you all a break by telling you: There are other things in the world that move me.

I think we all have things that move us. Things that make our hearts beat faster, or sweat seep to our pores, or make us laugh, or cry. These are the things that make us human, that separate us as much as  draw us together. Sometimes it is something like a movie, or the way the iris buds push through the snow in March. Or sometimes it is a quote that stirs something in our soul. But something moves each of us, and sometimes we are lucky to have something move us every single day. So I decided that this week I would put something together, that gives every one of you a glimpse into my soul. A small window to see what exactly moves me. (Warning you, this blog will be link heavy, so if you want to see all the youtube videos of the things that move me I welcome you too, but I will also be talking about them in the blog as well. So not totally necessary.)

The first category:

Right off the bat I want to talk about you-tube specific videos. i.e. videos that originated on you tube and or artists that started off on this particular cultural sensation. (Justin Bieber is not on here) I think that with the new technologies that are out there in our world, there are new ways to advertise ourselves. People who could only showcase their unusual or beautiful talents at county fairs and bars, are now given a larger scope of an audience.

This first clip is from the first you-tube artist I stumbled across. She is an amazingly talented college girl who plays the ukulele, and now you can find her music on itunes. She plays across the country, and internationally now I believe. Her name is Julia Nunes (or Jaaaaaaaa) as some may know her, and I find her to be one of our generations prime examples of talent. Her videos are both entertaining and inspiring. She is funny and smart and clever. I hope you enjoy her music as much as I have. There are a great many videos that I could share of hers, and honestly it was difficult to pick just one. So in the end I decided I would give you three, the first one I stumbled across, my favorite, and one of her newest ones which is just fantastic. So here it is Julia Nunes:
1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6NHPrYcJpo
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REL5R-Ls3oU
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_itJ5cVQjeU

Okay the second You-tuber I'm in love with is Charlieissocoolike. If you don't know who this is, you should get to know him. He's a swell dude. A kid from England who I originally found accidently. I was looking up a video on English dialects and found his video titled "how to be English EXTREME" which was basically just how to make a genuine cup of English tea. This kid is so charismatic. He does segments where he lets his fans challenge him to doing some strange things including dying himself purple, or his hair red, or writing a letter to the queen to get knighted. He's also a musician, and he writes songs about Dr.Who, for all you Dr. Who fans. Definitely check him out. For Charlie I decided to show you one of his more recent videos that I just loved. It doesn't have nay of Charlie's music in it, but it does teach American's a little more about the differences between our languages.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhzA9GrF1o

Molly Lewis brings up the number 3 spot. I originally stumbled onto her back in the days of Myspace. Lets just say that I'm glad I remembered to delete mine... I think.
I hope you enjoy her original song, but I do encourage you to watch her other stuff as well (I'm partial to her cover of Poker Face and her Open Letter to Stephen Fry)

http://www.youtube.com/user/sweetafton23

Okay my next "guest" from my research I can guess his name is Greg Pattillo, and he clearly gets inspiration from Jethro Tull, but his abilities with the flute simply astound me. I hope you get as big a kick out of this guy as I do. Seriously impressive. To beatbox is one thing, to play the flute is one thing, to do them BOTH at the same time is just mind blowing to me. This moves me. I also recommend that you watch his Sesame street and Inspector Gadget videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfrKqFp0Zg

Okay last of the You tube artists. I have no idea what this girls name is. I just know that she is amazing. She is a violinist and this is a video of her playing one of my favorite songs on the violin, then remixing the middle to a rock-ish electric violin song. I love it so much. I hope you all enjoy her as much as I do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1urzZ4VP6o&feature=related


Okay now I'm moving on from the Youtube artists. Lets talk films shall we?
Movies have always inspired and moved me. And being a hopeless romantic, I thought I would start with the top five movie moments that move me. These are scenes that speak to my romantic soul, so they are pretty sappy and will probably make all of you roll your eyes at me, but I can't help it. These are the things that make me write, and make be believe in romance in the world. This first one in particular holds a special place in my heart. Both because I saw this film with my best friend this summer, and because I think creative musicians falling for nerdy science guys is somewhat perfect. ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IkoAg6JrPo&feature=related

The second clip that moves me is from the film Big Fish. Now it's no secret what a fan of Ewan McGregor I am, he's possibly my favorite actor. But this film in general speaks to me. It is also nearly impossible to find the specific scene that I'm looking for to share with you, but in searching I've found something better. I found a video set to the song "How I Go" by Yellowcard, which I totally love. The song was written for the movie. Anyway, at 3:06 in the video you'll find the scene of which I'm speaking. If you haven't seen the movie, I wont ruin it for you. But this scene represents the kind of love I've always wanted. The kind that in old age my husband and I still look at each other with the same love and longing of our youth, and I can't bare to be separated from him. I hope you enjoy this song, and video. And go watch this movie if you haven't seen it! It is one of the best there is!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zvz-v_T4jw

This next one is from a musical. I'm a big fan of musicals, and I have never been able to watch this next scene without crying. So without much bravado, the funeral scene from RENT.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAaXD9PscQs

As a Disney fan, it wouldn't be natural if I didn't have a Disney film on here that move me. Honestly so many of them do. But the romantic in me finds this next clip to be the kind of thing that strikes at my heart. Every girl dreams of being a princess when she's little. Of finding a prince charming. What I love about the movie Enchanted, is that the girl found her Prince Charming in the beginning of the movie, only to learn that her true love was not the prince, but the man who could blend her magical fairytale, and the harsh realities of the world, into one perfect dance of true love (oh I know it's sappy!) So here, is So Close by Jon McLaughlin from the Movie Enchanted
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V554A2ksYHc&feature=related

My last favorite movie moment comes from my favorite film. Now no matter how hard I looked, I simply could not find a video of this moment, so I will settle for just the quote. The movie, Life as a house, is about a man who finds out he is dying of terminal cancer and uses the summer with his son, who is not exactly getting boy-of-the-year award, building a house. At one point he tells his son the following quote, and it has stuck with me ever since I first saw the film. It has gotten be through some tough spots, so I thought I would share it here with you.
"You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me."


Now lets talk humor. The top five things that really make me laugh. The first, is another blog. It was actually the blog that got me into blogging. I have yet to be able to read one of these blogs out loud without having to take a break to stop the gigglefit so I am understandable. The author is Allie Brosh, and she is hillarious. I dare you to read her without laughing. Absolutely dare you. The best really was Kenny Loggins ruined Christmas, but you can check out any of the buttons on the side of her page, they are almost guaranteed to lead you to places of laughter. Enjoy Hyperbole and a Half:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

Poetry is sometimes moving, but it can also be the kind of thing that just makes you laugh. So here is one of my favorite poets, Taylor Mali, in a poem he performed not so long ago. I think the third letter of the poem made me laugh the hardest, I am sure you will too. Taylor Mali reading, "I'll fight you for the library"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qXgPfMGG8E&feature=related

Again with the Disney, but I love Pixar. And honestly no pixar film has ever been rewatched by me quite like this one has. I laugh hard at it every single time I see it, and so I present to you Disney Pixar's Partly Cloudy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y6zNZhB6Lg

And number four in the comedy spot is my favorite web comic of all time. The Order of the Stick. It is a web comic that makes fun of RPG's in particular D&D which I am a big fan of. If you too are a fan of a good gamer comic, I suggest you check this one out.
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0001.html

And the last link to something that makes me laugh is getting no introduction:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KANI2dpXLw


The next group of things that move me, are the top five things that have inspired me. These are things that have moved me in my life choices or just in general given me a warm feeling all over. The first of this set is a commercial from the Discovery Channel. It aired a few years ago, and at the time I was heavily into watching all of these shows on the discovery channel. I'm quite the fan of documentaries and history, and in general the natural beauty of our world. It's my favorite kind of reality TV. So here is the "Boom de ada" commercial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqV3clvlC4Q

 Besides the beauty of the real world, I enjoy poetry quite a bit. I didn't used to think I was so good at writing poetry, but I have always loved listening to it. So the next two  clips on the top five spot are both poetry. The first is the poem that truly inspired me to be a teacher. This is by slam poet Taylor Mali (who appeared earlier on this list)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU&feature=related

And the second poetry piece on here is by Rachel McKibbons and Marty Mcconnell, doing a slam poetry piece about sex. It is a really rough sort of piece, not for the faint of heart that is for sure. But it is a beautifully done piece that really inspires passion for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ9zt5fUS00

The next one in this category is by a group called Improv Everywhere, they do random things like have a spontaneous musical in a food court at a mall, in the sort of way it happens in the movies, where the participants come from everywhere and you just don't expect it. This piece is one they did in New York City's Grand central station. They had more than 200 people freeze in place at the same time and stay that way for 5 minutes. It was glorious and amazing! I love this kind of thing, when people shock the hell out of people and snap them out of their bubbles to notice something in their environment around them. Amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwMj3PJDxuo

I love dance, and this last piece in this category was a video that went viral this summer. It happened in Michigan I believe, during a couple's wedding and may have been the saving grace to Chris Brown's single "Forever" as his sales went back up after this video came out. I love this kind of thing, when people think outside of the box of traditions and really put together something that shows how joyous they are, especially at a wedding. I love the freedom and the happiness on the faces of all involved. No imperial death marches down the isle for this couple. Not saying I will do the same stunt at my wedding, but I will say that they inspire me to think out of the box when I do get married, to remember to have fun with it. Not to make it the same cut and dry expensive party every one else will be having.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Okay lets break away from youtube for awhile shall we? Tired of looking at the links and want to know a little more about me? How about the top 5 most terrifying moments in my life?
For the purpose of this top 5 I am going to do a count down, now here is where you get to really know a glimpse into what terrifies me.
Number 5: This last year my doctor had to have a serious talk with me about my health. He had to tell me all of the things that were wrong with me and tell me if I didn't reverse them right now, I wouldn't see 30. I am currently 28. Being told that I was basically terminal was one of the most terrifying things that has ever happened to me. A big part of the issue was the clogging in the arteries and my constant level of anxiety and stress that was making me a ticking bomb. My knees were wearing out and they were not going to last long either. When they go out, I was told fixing the heart problem would be harder. I was a shoe-in for diabetes and I would be in serious danger for early heart attack and or stroke. Hearing this news made me take immediate action, because I had never been so afraid for my health before. Glad to say I've taken my doctors advice and I've reversed a lot of things, still working hard at it, but I will feel really good when I do turn 30. It means I made it.

Number 4: I have always held a mild fear of natural disasters, and while I am a water baby who loves to swim, I may even be part mermaid, but the natural disasters of flooding terrify and mesmerize me at the same time. Mainly Tsunami's scare me more than anything, but in 2008 there was a lot of water in the Dallas area, and I woke up to my mom coming in my room to tell me my room was flooded. (lost a lot of cool stuff as a result of not keeping my floor picked up) The back yard has a "small" creek running through it, which had turned into a 20' river. It scared the crap out of me. It made a moat across the driveway which made it impossible for us to leave. I was already planning on heading for the hills with my animals. A similar thing used to happen down in California, we'd get bad floods in the winter in the valley, and I recall a memory from when I was about 5-7 years old, and going out on the ranch to try and bring all the cattle in so they wouldn't drown because of the floods stranding them all.

Number 3: Above this, I'd have to put being left by the old fiance. I only mention it because honestly, at the time, I wasn't sure how I would survive without him. I now know that I can, and have, and am excited that it happened even, because it has opened so many doors that would have been closed to me. :) But at the time it was the most terrifying thing to go through, my heart broke into so many pieces. Luckily I'm crafty and put it all back together with duct tape and crazy glue.

Number 2: As many of you know, I was in a terrible car accident in 2002. You can read more about the car accident in the "About a Boy" blog I wrote in January. That accident had me certain that my best friend at the time was going to die. I had lost my immortality that night, and I will never forget the blood curdling scream I heard in the ER as they put the chest tube into my friend to re-inflate her lung, or the words of the police officer looming over my hospital bed telling me he thought they were going to be scraping five kids off the road that night. Very sobering.

Number 1: The number one spot goes to when I was about 5 years old, maybe 4? I went camping with my mom and step-dad at the time. He was playing horseshoes with some of the other men at the campsite, and my mom and step sister and I were all playing Hide and Seek with the other kids at the playground. It came time for my mom and I to hide and she saw this ditch, so she took me by the hand and we ran to it and slid in to hide. What she didn't know at the time was that the ditch was quicksand. We started immediately sinking in it and we both thought we were not going to make it out of there. My mom started screaming for my step sister and a couple of the boys to go get my step dad. I can remember the men from the horseshoes coming to get us, and I remember watching a praying mantis standing on the sand right in front of my face, as I cried for them to take my mommy out first, I didn't want her to die. But of course no one is going to take the full grown woman out of the quicksand and leave the 4 year old girl in it. Luckily both of us survived. But I'd have to say that was the scariest moment in my life.


Now lets talk the top five people who have impacted my life that I've never met:
5. Geoffrey Chaucer. There is a strong chance I'll try to get my PHD in Chaucer. He is my favorite author of the classic literature in my field. He wrote about what he knew, and he did it with humor and wit and passion, not all that unlike what I do, actually. Chaucer is where I get my moniker from: Careful, or you'll wind up in my novel.

4.The Beatles. My mother raised me on them, and they have taught a lot about life and music and what it means to feel the world around you. More they taught me a bit about failure versus success. The Beatles songbook is extensive, and there are songs in there that only hard core Beatles fans have heard of, and even a few that no one has heard of, but they didn't take them out. They still played the songs that weren't hits, they still kept going even when they may not have had such a popular song. It is the sort of thing that makes me feel that in everything I do I have to give it my all, and if I don't hit a home run, oh well, keep playing.

3. Louis Armstrong is one of my favorite artists, he played the trumpet, but he is what inspired me to play the saxophone, he played with such passion and love and life that he made me want to spend my life playing music too. I still can't help but move when I listen to him play or even sing. Not the most melodic voice, but there is something so alive in him. Even still.

2. J.R.R. Tolkien is the author who has gotten me into fantasy as he has with many people in my line of work, and because of him I write fantasy fiction. He inspired me to become a reader, and thus a writer. Making him a big influence on my life.

1. Walt Disney has had a huge impact on my life, he's been an inspiring figure for me both because of the romanticized image of "Uncle Walt" and from the hard work he put into achieving his dreams. He's convinced me never to give up on them.


Top five places in the world I love. This will be more a list, if you need explaination as to why I love these places... you clearly don't know what these places are like.

5. Greece

4. South Africa
3. Fiji or Bali
2. England (or the UK in general)
1. Disney World

Okay here is the last category in the Things that move me thread. Quotes that move me.
5. Outside of a dog, a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Mark Twain

4. Everyone wants to be the hero, until they have to fight the villain.

3. The color of a mans skin matters not to a blind man, so why is it so many sighted men cannot see?

2. Imagination is the preview of life's coming attractions. -Walt Disney

1. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous

Actually who are you not to be

We were born to make manifest, the glory of god that's within us

And as we let our own light shine

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

Okay, so that is it. The things that move me. I would love to see in the comments section some things that move you. I'm always looking for new inspiration! I hope you've enjoyed this (incredibly long) blog! 

Thank you as always for reading <3

What a lovely and frightening world we live in

Caught
When I was little
My  grandfather would take me 
fishing.
He would bait the hook for me
and hand me the pole. 
Bare toes sank into mud
the thickness of mashed potatoes.
Patient,
waiting, 
quiet. 
"Don't say anything." He would 
whisper. 
"Can't scare the fish" 
And 6 years of brown hair
covered my innocent face
as I stared, wide eyed, into the water
Knowing there was a fish
in there, 
for me. 
I had never caught anything
a poor fisherman. 
Maybe I made a noise,
maybe I scared the fish.
Maybe I was in the wrong pond...


Older, wiser,
years have jaded me. 
Suddenly, I cast a glance into the water
Love weary and broken, but there!
a reflection--
A small stirring beneath glass.
I don't make a sound,
"Can't scare the fish" 
Resisting the urge
to thrust my hand into the water
and pull him to me. 
So we stay, staring, both thinking, feeling
needing.
To know there is still hope
and passion,
love. 


I slowly set my hand on the water, 
from the other side
he does the same
My eyes close 
and I smile--
Caught.


Always a romantic right? Ever since I was little I've been one actually. I've loved so completely in my lifetime, whether it was an animal, or a person, or a novel. My heart is a few sizes to great, and beats out of my chest whenever I encounter something that captures my romantic attention. When I was reaching adolescence I played matchmaker for all of my friends, I loved setting them up... often with my crushes. But I kept my feelings silent, I was so happy that there was love in the world, that even if it couldn't be mine, it could still be.

I still tend to think this way. The romantic in me falls in love with poets who marked in their pages that there was once something so great it captured all of their attention, and those tomes have become immortal documentations of what could potentially be the greatest feeling we know.

I know what you're thinking, don't get ahead of me.

Oh how cliche`, Valentines day goes by and suddenly we're reading another blog about love? Hear me out okay? This one is important.

So in all my searching for this amazing feeling, I've only ever truly felt it once. Or thought I did anyway. He wasn't perfect, but I thought he was. He was sweet and kind and when he looked at me his eyes would sparkle and made me forget my flaws. But when that ended I felt this sinking feeling that the poets had been wrong. I retreated into myself. I delved into my writing, became a writer even, and in that effort I started writing love into reality.

I would create story after story of romance, something I could never actually achieve. Who wouldn't want their life to be a little like a good movie, or a great novel? To find themselves impossibly feeling for someone that they barely know. That feeling that is all at once frightening and exhilirating. A feeling like some all powerful being, who I like to call my author, has said "okay, I give, time to meet your match. I think you'll like this one, I made him just for you." I know because I've said this to my characters. Just when they think their life is empty and they've been hurt too many times to ever love, but they patiently have faith in the feeling that the world quietly runs on, I give them their match, and fill them with confusing feelings of "I always have known it would be you, haven't I?" And I never realized how frightened my characters must have been of themselves.

All at once, everything is different. The world looks... brighter.

I have not stopped smiling in 4 days. Some of you have noticed. I have also laughed more than is humanly possible I think. I keep thinking about him. And I feel so incredibly happy, a feeling I can't remember truly feeling like this in I don't know how long. We have more in common than I ever thought possible. Granted he doesn't seem thrilled about my suggestion that he enjoy going to Disney World with me at some point, but so far? thats about the only thing that we DON'T have in common. We read the same books, laugh at the same jokes, watch most of the same movies, listen to a lot of the same music and we both can appreciate the nerdier things in life. Like he was written for me.

And last night, I was filled with this incredibly frightening feeling. "I've only known him for four days. How come I feel like this?" Well my characters will be written more realisticly now, thats for sure. Because I start thinking to myself, "isn't this a bit soon? Isn't it a little silly to go for the first one you catch in years? shouldn't you expand your horizons and see what else is out there?" But I'm a writer, I already know the answer is no.

Because when you're a hopeless romantic, you know, you just do, that something feels right, and it shouldn't be ignored.

This feels right, and there are 6000 miles between us. A whole continetn and an ocean to boot. While I hate the distance, it doesn't phase me. Eventually. A word I had come to hate before, a word that was another way to say Never. And now, I find myself realizing it means hope. Soon I will bridge the gap between us. Soon I will understand this complete feeling I'm feeling. It's strong, and I don't understand it. I haven't felt it before.

And I find myself so grateful that I didn't find it sooner, I may not have been strong enough to handle it then. But now?

Now it feels perfect. And I find myself quite... caught.

A Fishing Trip or My experience with Online Dating

I know what you're thinking... online dating? Really? Why do you need online dating?

My grandmother will read this and say "Oh my gosh Athena! Be careful you never know what kind of wackos you can meet there, and then you go and meet them and that's it. The next thing you know you're in the trunk of a car (the boot for you UK folk) and we'll never see you again!"

My mother will read this and say "Just don't end up with anyone too old for you." Which is ironic because her last husband was my age. Still is my age, but he isn't her husband anymore. Maybe that's why she'll have this warning.

My best friend will read this and agree with the flaws of online dating, having experienced it herself.

My other best friend will read this and tell me how much this will change my life, as she is now going to marry the person that she met through the same site I can now be found on.

So, what do I think of online dating? Do read on and I'll tell you....

There are a lot of stigmas about online dating. The internet is this strange new country of its own that we all don't really know what to do with. Who is its king? What are the rules? What laws do we follow? Can you get kicked out of it? Is there an internet prison? No. No the internet is pure chaos where anything goes. I have 4 sets of cosmetic contacts, and I have them because I didn't have to go into a US doctors office and get an exam in order to get them. Despite US medical laws, I just went onto a UK site and ordered the contacts, they were then shipped to me as "Eye cosmetics" which I imagine is how they get through customs.

My point is, the internet is this place that we all love to use for its convenience but in some ways, its lack of rules scares us. It's the virtual equivalent of walking by yourself on a dark street at night. You are confronted with trust issues, and you wonder... "Is something about to get me?"

Because of the subtle social fear of the internet, we have developed a social stigma about meeting people from it. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and then they say to you, "Did you hear Jen is getting married? Some guy she met off the internet!" it sounds so scandalous. But do we take into consideration that when we go out to the old singles pick up sites, we are taking the same risks? I could go to a bar/pub/club/party and meet some random guy, who is cute from certain angles. He could feed me a few lines about how awesome he is (because we all oversell a little don't we?) I could take his number, call him in a day or so (the little games we've learned to play so we don't seem desperate but we don't lose the catch) and then we go out on a date, and he turns out to be someone with a strange sexual fetish (like the Furries people) or hell, Grandma, I could end up in his trunk and you'd never see me again.

We live in a world without trust. But the truth is, the world is not so much more dangerous than it ever was. But with mass media, we are more aware of it. Folklore is FILLED with stories about children being carried off by fairies, or men and women being seduced by magic creatures of the woods and never seen or heard from again. Now, on the one hand the stories could be true. But on the more likely hand, we are probably reading the way these dark age ancestors of ours dealt with the sorrow of someone mysteriously going missing. A missing child is terrifying. It is easier to grieve thinking they've gone off to live in a magic fairy land, than to imagine another adult in the village is responsible for their demise.

But, back to dating on the internet. The Greek philosopher Plato said that all humans used to be creatures with four legs and four arms, and a single head made of two faces. But Zeus was afraid of their power, so he drove his hand between them, splitting all humans and condemning them to endlessly search for their other half. This was supposed to keep them distracted through their lifetimes. So this is where we get the ideas of Soul Mates from. Now, the world has gotten much bigger since Plato's time. So do soul mates still exist? Are we still looking for "the one" who completes us? If so, did the gods, or One God depending on your faith, do us a sudden favor and put us in the same town or city or even country as our soul mate? Well if Plato is right, and Zeus did it to make us busy, I would say... probably not.

Now it could be. My soul mate could be less than a mile from me for all I know. But how am I really going to find them if I don't search everywhere for him? The internet then becomes a very powerful tool, and Plato may have believed it to be the very thing to put Zeus in his place for splitting us as it is.

So... online dating huh?

Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I didn't want to be one of those people who was on an online dating site. It seemed like such a last ditch effort move. I'm a pretty cool person. I'm pretty, and sweet, funny and talented (and I'm not just puffing myself up here, stay with me) so why should I need to find someone on an online site? Because I may be denying myself the opportunity to know the other half if I don't? That's one answer. Another answer is that after the last few years in Oregon, I haven't done so well at finding so much as a boyfriend, let alone Mr. Soul Mate extrodinare. Maybe it's because I've been to busy to really look for him. Maybe I started thinking I was a character in one of my books and I thought that the powers that be would write him into my life and I wouldn't have to do any of the work. But when I do that, I tend to settle. I tend to get crushes on guys who don't deserve my attention, and get engaged to guys that dump me to "find themselves"

But maybe somewhere I haven't searched yet, there is a guy who is totally into my vibe. Someone who enjoys reading and writing. Who wants to hear me talk about my latest character or story. Someone who likes my jokes and my taste in music. Someone who doesn't just want to use me for a taxi service because he can't afford his own gas. Someone who is actually going to ask me to be his Valentine. Maybe. But it's worth trying isn't it?

So this site? I've found this place, thanks to a dear friend, called Plenty of Fish. It's free, so I didn't have anything to lose. I wish it had a feature to just let you search the world as opposed to people only in your area. Now, I've already had quite a few people talk to me. And to be honest? Most of them have asked me to sleep with them within the first or second message they've sent. A couple have attempted to get nude photos from me (mom, grandma, don't panic. I don't do nude photos for anyone. Not even semi-risque ones.) and there have been a handful that think they are already in love with me (I've only been on the site for 24 hours by the time this blog was written). BUT! Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say.

Maybe this online dating thing will work out for me, like it worked out for others. Or maybe it will be another flop in the romance department. Who knows. But I'm not limiting myself with where I am capable of finding love.

Valentines day is one day away. I'm single another year, and without so much as a date, except that my best friend and I are going to watch a movie together over Skype, because we live in separate states. I get that people call this single awareness day for a reason, but I refuse to adopt that. It only makes me further feel like I've given up on love. I haven't. I wont. I may not find it till I'm fifty or past years of childbearing age, but I don't believe my writer is going to do that for me. I think He's just waiting for me to take initiative.

Well here I am author! I'm putting myself out there! Write me a relationship! Write me another half! Write me a date for 2012 please. I'd just like to be taken seriously. Taken literally, taken sarcastically, or hell, just taken. But take me somewhere. Take me on an adventure and show me that there is still romance in the world, and that I am going to be a part of it.

Mr. other half? I hope you are reading this. I hope you realize I'm holding the other half of your face, your other pair of arms, other set of legs, other beating heart. And I'm waiting to show Zeus that we are stronger now, with another pair of legs to stand with, another set of arms to hold with, another heart to survive our love a little further, two faces joined in a sweet kiss, reminding me that I've seen you once before, when a god passed his hand between us and decided we'd be too strong together.