A Fishing Trip or My experience with Online Dating

I know what you're thinking... online dating? Really? Why do you need online dating?

My grandmother will read this and say "Oh my gosh Athena! Be careful you never know what kind of wackos you can meet there, and then you go and meet them and that's it. The next thing you know you're in the trunk of a car (the boot for you UK folk) and we'll never see you again!"

My mother will read this and say "Just don't end up with anyone too old for you." Which is ironic because her last husband was my age. Still is my age, but he isn't her husband anymore. Maybe that's why she'll have this warning.

My best friend will read this and agree with the flaws of online dating, having experienced it herself.

My other best friend will read this and tell me how much this will change my life, as she is now going to marry the person that she met through the same site I can now be found on.

So, what do I think of online dating? Do read on and I'll tell you....

There are a lot of stigmas about online dating. The internet is this strange new country of its own that we all don't really know what to do with. Who is its king? What are the rules? What laws do we follow? Can you get kicked out of it? Is there an internet prison? No. No the internet is pure chaos where anything goes. I have 4 sets of cosmetic contacts, and I have them because I didn't have to go into a US doctors office and get an exam in order to get them. Despite US medical laws, I just went onto a UK site and ordered the contacts, they were then shipped to me as "Eye cosmetics" which I imagine is how they get through customs.

My point is, the internet is this place that we all love to use for its convenience but in some ways, its lack of rules scares us. It's the virtual equivalent of walking by yourself on a dark street at night. You are confronted with trust issues, and you wonder... "Is something about to get me?"

Because of the subtle social fear of the internet, we have developed a social stigma about meeting people from it. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and then they say to you, "Did you hear Jen is getting married? Some guy she met off the internet!" it sounds so scandalous. But do we take into consideration that when we go out to the old singles pick up sites, we are taking the same risks? I could go to a bar/pub/club/party and meet some random guy, who is cute from certain angles. He could feed me a few lines about how awesome he is (because we all oversell a little don't we?) I could take his number, call him in a day or so (the little games we've learned to play so we don't seem desperate but we don't lose the catch) and then we go out on a date, and he turns out to be someone with a strange sexual fetish (like the Furries people) or hell, Grandma, I could end up in his trunk and you'd never see me again.

We live in a world without trust. But the truth is, the world is not so much more dangerous than it ever was. But with mass media, we are more aware of it. Folklore is FILLED with stories about children being carried off by fairies, or men and women being seduced by magic creatures of the woods and never seen or heard from again. Now, on the one hand the stories could be true. But on the more likely hand, we are probably reading the way these dark age ancestors of ours dealt with the sorrow of someone mysteriously going missing. A missing child is terrifying. It is easier to grieve thinking they've gone off to live in a magic fairy land, than to imagine another adult in the village is responsible for their demise.

But, back to dating on the internet. The Greek philosopher Plato said that all humans used to be creatures with four legs and four arms, and a single head made of two faces. But Zeus was afraid of their power, so he drove his hand between them, splitting all humans and condemning them to endlessly search for their other half. This was supposed to keep them distracted through their lifetimes. So this is where we get the ideas of Soul Mates from. Now, the world has gotten much bigger since Plato's time. So do soul mates still exist? Are we still looking for "the one" who completes us? If so, did the gods, or One God depending on your faith, do us a sudden favor and put us in the same town or city or even country as our soul mate? Well if Plato is right, and Zeus did it to make us busy, I would say... probably not.

Now it could be. My soul mate could be less than a mile from me for all I know. But how am I really going to find them if I don't search everywhere for him? The internet then becomes a very powerful tool, and Plato may have believed it to be the very thing to put Zeus in his place for splitting us as it is.

So... online dating huh?

Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I didn't want to be one of those people who was on an online dating site. It seemed like such a last ditch effort move. I'm a pretty cool person. I'm pretty, and sweet, funny and talented (and I'm not just puffing myself up here, stay with me) so why should I need to find someone on an online site? Because I may be denying myself the opportunity to know the other half if I don't? That's one answer. Another answer is that after the last few years in Oregon, I haven't done so well at finding so much as a boyfriend, let alone Mr. Soul Mate extrodinare. Maybe it's because I've been to busy to really look for him. Maybe I started thinking I was a character in one of my books and I thought that the powers that be would write him into my life and I wouldn't have to do any of the work. But when I do that, I tend to settle. I tend to get crushes on guys who don't deserve my attention, and get engaged to guys that dump me to "find themselves"

But maybe somewhere I haven't searched yet, there is a guy who is totally into my vibe. Someone who enjoys reading and writing. Who wants to hear me talk about my latest character or story. Someone who likes my jokes and my taste in music. Someone who doesn't just want to use me for a taxi service because he can't afford his own gas. Someone who is actually going to ask me to be his Valentine. Maybe. But it's worth trying isn't it?

So this site? I've found this place, thanks to a dear friend, called Plenty of Fish. It's free, so I didn't have anything to lose. I wish it had a feature to just let you search the world as opposed to people only in your area. Now, I've already had quite a few people talk to me. And to be honest? Most of them have asked me to sleep with them within the first or second message they've sent. A couple have attempted to get nude photos from me (mom, grandma, don't panic. I don't do nude photos for anyone. Not even semi-risque ones.) and there have been a handful that think they are already in love with me (I've only been on the site for 24 hours by the time this blog was written). BUT! Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say.

Maybe this online dating thing will work out for me, like it worked out for others. Or maybe it will be another flop in the romance department. Who knows. But I'm not limiting myself with where I am capable of finding love.

Valentines day is one day away. I'm single another year, and without so much as a date, except that my best friend and I are going to watch a movie together over Skype, because we live in separate states. I get that people call this single awareness day for a reason, but I refuse to adopt that. It only makes me further feel like I've given up on love. I haven't. I wont. I may not find it till I'm fifty or past years of childbearing age, but I don't believe my writer is going to do that for me. I think He's just waiting for me to take initiative.

Well here I am author! I'm putting myself out there! Write me a relationship! Write me another half! Write me a date for 2012 please. I'd just like to be taken seriously. Taken literally, taken sarcastically, or hell, just taken. But take me somewhere. Take me on an adventure and show me that there is still romance in the world, and that I am going to be a part of it.

Mr. other half? I hope you are reading this. I hope you realize I'm holding the other half of your face, your other pair of arms, other set of legs, other beating heart. And I'm waiting to show Zeus that we are stronger now, with another pair of legs to stand with, another set of arms to hold with, another heart to survive our love a little further, two faces joined in a sweet kiss, reminding me that I've seen you once before, when a god passed his hand between us and decided we'd be too strong together.