I didn't think I'd feel this way...

This morning my dog of 10 years died, and two days before that my ferret of 7 years died. Both of these animals were my greatest pets I may have ever had, with the exception only of my cat who thank God is still with me. I once heard a quote that, "When you're a creative person you see the world differently than the rest of the world does, and it is your responsibility to project what you see." As a writer I was compelled to sit down at my blog today and write about how upset the whole situation has made me.

But I am finding that I can't really do that. And it isn't because I am so broken hearted that I am unable to write. Perhaps it is because I've gotten older, but I doubt it. Last year in January we had to put our other dog to sleep, and I was broken about it for months. It took me months to finally write a very depressing personal narrative and a heart breaking but really not very impressive poem. Maybe the last year which has proven to have a lot of growth in it, has changed me in unexpected ways.

I sat up late last night with my dog, knowing it was the last night we would spend together, and I held her face as she died this morning, and it did in fact make me cry, but then I found myself not very upset for the rest of the day. I expected to break into tears when anyone mentioned it. I expected to need distraction just to cope, but I've found myself thinking very deeply instead. I have found myself thinking a lot about what this whole event has meant to me. And when I came to the conclusions that I did, I felt that is exactly what I should write about.

Because people who are creative have a responsibility to show the world how they see things.

A good friend and I speculated a few days ago, when I realized that the dog was dying this week, that if dogs lived as long as people, then people wouldn't bother having relationships with other people. Dogs are a superior species when it comes to friendship, they don't judge you, they love you, and even when those closest can't tell that you're upset, the dog knows it instinctively.

My mother had a dog that almost entirely replaced the husband relationship in her life, and it was as hard for her to lose him as it would be for someone to lose their spouse to the same cancer he died of. If he lived as long as she does, I have no doubt in my mind that my mother would never bother to look for human companionship in the future. Perhaps I would have done the same thing, never moved on in my life, knowing that my dog would always be there with me, she would be the only thing that would never leave me, or fight with me or judge me for anything I did.

It is a tempting offer, isn't it? To have a companion as loyal as a dog?

I've found myself listening to the RENT soundtrack a lot today, which I find an unusual choice in soundtrack for this moment, since it doesn't have much to do with the life of my dog. But when I started listening to the last song on the album, (Finale B) I realized it has everything to do with how I view life these days.

For those of you unfamiliar with the soundtrack I want to provide a link to the video of this song so you might understand where the rest of this blog is coming from:RENT Finale B

In this song a dominant line is "No day but today"

If there is something that my dog, and honestly, the ferret too, have taught me it is that there is no day but today. There is no future, and there is no past and every person I meet effects my life. Every animal I encounter touches my heart, and each time I let someone in I learn something, it changes me and shifts me into the person I am. I like the person I am, and so I can't really dislike anyone who has effected that. Even the people whom I don't get along with, and who have impacted my life in a negative way, have changed me into a person I am growing to greatly appreciate.

There will be other people and animals in my life, they will come into my life, and they will leave it too. And I will be so grateful that I had them, even if only for a little while. I am so happy today. I don't look it right now, because I am still adjusting to getting to know the feeling of not having her waiting at the top of the stairs vigilantly for me to get home at night, and trying to imagine not hearing her sing at 2pm each day. But I am so glad I had her for 10 years. I am so glad that I knew her, and so glad that she was such a good friend to me, the best even.

But I am happy. And I look forward to the next friend or creature sent to me for me to learn from.


Raeliah, I will miss you, more than you could ever know, and you have impacted my life in so many great ways. We had a good run together, and I love you so very much.

I hope you're running with Caspian now, and hopefully letting Daxter and Nimh tag along too. I'll see you again someday.

Click below for the last video I took of her, this last Christmas. 

Raeliah October 29th, 2000- March 2nd, 2011

No dog ever had a better life